Borderline Fantastic

Two days ago I got a text from a strange number. Since I’m nice, and since my dad sometimes gives people my number instead of his by accident, I replied. Here is how the conversation went…

Stranger (12:19pm): hello
me (5:21pm): Hi?
Stranger (8:41pm): This is Bob* from match
Stranger (10:15pm): sorry about the dentist crack
me (10:32pm): Sorry, I still don’t think I know who you are…who are you looking for? Do you have the right number? :-/
Stranger (10:33pm): i am looking for a hooker named amy* i got this number off facebook
me (10:51pm): Sorry, can’t help you there.
Stranger (10:34pm): bummer
Stranger (11:35pm): good night amy
Stranger (8:49am): omg i did have the wrong number i am so sorry
me (5:13pm): Haha, told you
Stranger (5:14pm): And i am so embarrased
me (5:48pm): Why? I don’t know you. Have fun with Amy

*Names have been changed in case Bob ever somehow comes across this.

I hate those automated systems that every company has when you call their help line or customer service. I hate how you have to enter all this information before you get to talk to a real person, and then they ask you all the same information again! Why did i have to enter it in the first place??? Even worse is when you have to talk to Mr. Automated Non-Human instead of typing it in. Half the time he doesn’t understand what you are saying. And sometimes if i’m trying to take care of something at work i dont want to say my social, birthday, mother’s maiden name, childhood pet, first known zip code, and favorite color out loud. It seems like Mr. ANH has replaced the humans all together and its nearly impossible to get a real one. Sometimes you have to know the special code-word to tell Mr. ANH to get a human (which, for United Airlines is “Agent” by the way). Then, once you do you get Mr. Guy-With-A-Strange-Accent-Half-Way-Around-The-World, he sometimes has more trouble understanding you than Mr. ANH. Also, i hate when Mr. GWASAHWATW seems grumpy that he has to answer the phone and talk to you at all. You’re a call center! Its your job! Deal!

I’ve talked to about 20 GWASAHWATW’s and a handful ANH’s in the last month trying to set up all my utilities and then having to call backwhen something went wrong. Just once it would be nice to talk to areal human right away, or even after entering a couple choices to narrow down the search (billing questions, setup service, etc) but before entering any personal information. I hope the companies realize they’ve gone too far to save a few bucks and are pissing off their customers. I’m about to the point where i’ll spend a few extra dollars a month for the company that doesnt use Mr. GWASAHWATW and especially ones that dont use Mr. ANH. I hate him!